I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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