I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
