Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
