it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
