Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
