you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
