If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize