At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
