I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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