i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
