I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
