her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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