u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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