Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
no you cant smoke seaweed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
