Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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