Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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