My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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