My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
