i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
