why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
