On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
