a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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