I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
