Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
