How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
