So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My vagina is officially offended.
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