Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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