he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
