i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
