sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
