im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
