Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
