But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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