I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
