If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize