It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
