can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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