My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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