He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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