I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
