I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
