I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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