Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
