I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
