one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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