Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
