so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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