please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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