hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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