So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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