Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
