Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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