i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
