dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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