Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
