who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
false alarm. still invincible.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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