i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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