My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
