I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
