SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
