I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
