She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
