Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
