Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
