another moral hangover. fuck.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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