I looked at my own cervix.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
