bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
