it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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