Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
