I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
